John was covered in a thick sweat by the time he arrived in her dorm room (it's a long walk). After changing his clothes to prevent offending acquaintances and the general public, he and his girlfriend proceeded to scour the streets surrounding Union Square for a liquor store. I suppose this would be the appropriate opportunity to explain to my reader the relationship between college students and alcohol.... The majority of college students in America are not of the legal age to buy alcoholic beverages however, an overwhelming number of college students enjoy the benefits of intoxication brought on my consuming alcoholic beverages. This paradox causes underage individuals to make bold attempts to buy alcoholic beverages using such things as fake identification or simply by just using their charming good looks. But back to the story... John has a fake ID and on a good day he can grow enough facial hair to pass off for an individual of an older age. On this day that our story takes place he was looking at least moderately close to the age of 21. So with brass balls and a steal jaw John entered the quaint liquor store to buy Malibu Rum. He maintained a strong, imposing pose as he thoroughly searched the liquor store shelves for my item of interest. To his dismay he was not able to find any Malibu Rum and instead settled on buying Smirnoff Vodka. Stepping up boldly to the counter acting as though he were a patron, delivering a face of boredom that said, "This is a regular thing for me to do and there's no reason for the you to check my identification." He handed her the bottle then reached for the money in his pocket. She looked at him and said, "You're 21 right?". To which he nodded a casual yes. This is the part of the whole buying process when his heart really started to thump. His mind raced with the joy of having pulled of this feat and all he wanted to do was get out of the store before the cashier can change their mind. So that's what he did.
John's girlfriend and he then returned to her dormitory building, alcohol in toe, to begin the "pregaming" process. To those who are unfamiliar with what "pregaming" is, I'll explain. "Pregaming" is the act of enjoying alcoholic beverages before starting the night's activities in hopes that the preliminary intoxication will increase the fun to be had. In more common terms, it's getting tipsy before you go drink more. It was decided that on this night they should honor the glorious tradition of "pregaming" on this night. John and his girlfriend, along with four or five of her friends proceeded to take shots of such majestic beverages as Jose Cuervo, Jack Daniels, Bacardi, and the illegally bought Smirnoff vodka.
The tentative plan was to catch an improve comedy show at 9:30 a few blocks away from the dorm. Realizing that they were late, they briskly walked to the comedy venue. Their efforts were at a lose when then doors to the show were closed. Another show was to begin at 11. So what do you do when you have an hour to kill? Drink. Then drink more. Seeing as he was the only male in the group and he had already pulled off the feat earlier in the night, it was decided that he should buy some more alcohol. John entered a convenience store which was conveniently located next to the comedy club. He picked up two four packs of Sparks (an energy drink with vodka mixed in) and stepped up to the counter. He pretended to look with a serious glance at a television set covering the presidential election. The cashier did not even hesitate to sell me the beverages. He paid. His heart raced. He left the store. They then proceeded to drink their beverages with brown paper bags covering them to prevent being seen drinking in public. The brown paper bags probably only made it more obvious. They drank sitting on the steps of an elementary school in the gay district of New York City. Out of immature humor John made a prank phone call to NYU's help hotline and told them that he woke up with bruises every morning but did not know how they got there. The women on the other side of the phone was very helpful and gave him numbers that he could call for more help. All the while his girlfriend and her friends were in hysterics. The phone called mixed with our drinking were a good warm up for the comedy show. But none of us were at that right "level" of drunkenness yet. So John went into another convenience store to buy more Sparks which we sneaked into the comedy show.
Coming out of the comedy club in a half drunken stooper the gang trudged out onto the streets heading in the direction of yet another alcohol retailer. Once again the steel jaw and concentrated eyes worked to procure more booze at a old time bar where the floors were covered in a thick layer of saw dust to soak up the spilled beer. They went on to two more bars where the success only continued. Their last bar of the night was the failure. This was the first time during their long night that they would get carded. The girls went on trial first. And one by one they failed. It came to me. By this time the bouncer had his mind made up that none of them were 21 so my gallant attempt was only futile. Nonetheless, he checked John's fake Michigan identification card which proclaimed that he was a 23 year old man named Mike Haderer living in Detroit. The only thing on this card that was real was the small picture of John. But the bouncer in his infinite wisdom decided that John's nose did not look similar enough to the nose of his ink and paper counterpart. He handed the ID back to him and shook his head. With their tails between their legs they began the trek back to their respective dwellings and called it a night. But before they left this steel wall of a drinking hole one of the girls gave the bouncer a wink with her long eye lashes and drew a sweet smile across her face. He grabbed the door handle and ushered them back in.
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